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My excused absence – busted.

Posted on | October 26, 2007 | No Comments

The Associated Press got a whiff of the Internet’s armpit and decided to report the smell. A web site (who will not get the benefit of a forward link) named Myexcusedabsence.com has found an interesting way to make money, selling days off from work and school. The service (termed a “network”) sells very authentic looking doctor’s notes, court papers and other things that you can download, customize and print.

For around $40 – $50, you can suffer a sudden infliction of:

  • Anything contagious
  • Jury duty
  • A dead family member
  • Lower, upper, inner or outer pain of any kind
  • A nervous breakdown
  • Any other ailment that your brain can concoct.

The owner of the web site would like you to believe that using the service won’t result in you getting into trouble (and possibly arrested), even though he maintains that his excuses are for “entertainment purposes only”, the web site depicts people enjoying a fun day off.

Unless you favor charges of fraud, forgery (or worse), I would not “buy” his excuses.

Federal regulations prohibit your employer from checking up on some kind of diagnosis (or any part of your medical history). Federal regulations do NOT prohibit your employer from faxing your note to the medical office that you forged to verify the authenticity of the note.

If you get caught, the medical office can (and likely will) come after you, possibly in criminal court. If you tried to collect vacation or sick pay during the bogus day off, you have just committed fraud against your employer. Is a day off at the expense of a criminal record worth it?

I can not emphasize how terminally mindless forging a Government document would be, especially in post-9/11 America. If you make a fake jury duty summons, you have put yourself in contempt of court if discovered. Your company can fax this document to the court asking that it be authenticated. If discovered, after you took vacation pay, you might find yourself in contempt of court, facing fraud charges and a whole bunch of interesting add-ons for making fake court documents.

Bereavement leave is popular, myexcusedabsence will allow you to download all the materials needed to produce evidence of a nice funeral service that never really happened. All your company has to do is check the validity of the documents to learn that the only person dead will soon be you :) We come back to fraud if you solicited for pay on the day off. At the least, you’ll get docked.

The web site owner has a simple philosophy, “People lie, why not make it easier?” (and get rich doing it). I have bad news for him, his little gold mine is being reported all over the Internet and employers are beginning to check. Employees might buy these excuses, employers will not. There’s a good chance that your employer already knows about the “excuse network” and knows how to spot them quickly.

One person was already arrested trying to use fake documents to get out of traffic court.

If you are so desperate for a day off that inventing and killing a relative (substantiated with fake funeral pamphlets) seems like a good idea, I suggest that a change of jobs might be in order. The Internet’s armpit is foul enough, please don’t feed the stench.

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