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Wash your ass, or was that watch?

Posted on | September 28, 2007 | 1 Comment

Toto wants you to do both. No, not Toto the cute little dog, Toto the toilet company.

Sometimes I just chuckle. Toto (A manufacturer of toilets and such other necessities) has made a breakthrough in the ancient art of keeping one’s derrier nice and shiny. Apparently, they have embedded a shower in a toilet seat, but not just ANY shower. In fact, they have launched a bandwidth intense full video / flash site to let us all know that we’re missing out on a more ‘enlightened’ bathroom experience.

Where I come from, rigging a toilet to squirt is a dirty, nasty trick. Many people that I know would agree with me. Then, I moved to Asia (I’ve been here 3+ years). Bidet use is quite common here. Toilet paper is sometimes scarce, why would you need TP when there is a Bidet? I, friends argued with that logic as vehemently as you would.

Let me tell you a story. One day, I had to go. Needing to ‘go’ in south east Asia can be dangerous.

When you gotta go, you gotta go. I found a bathroom, enjoyed my 20 minutes of introspection, then … bah! no toilet paper. To my right I saw a hose, connected to the water supply of the toilet with something that looked like a garden nozzle attached to the top. Oh, dear, I thought as I scrambled to look around the rest room for something that looked like paper, while attempting to keep my ass planted on the toilet. I found myself wishing for three sea shells, if you ever saw “Demolition Man”, you’d get that joke.

I had no choice, I had to use the garden hose. Be brave, Tim .. be brave .. I grabbed the thing .. positioned it.. aimed upward.. (it took me a solid 5 minutes to work up the nerve to squeeze the trigger) .. and FIRE .. Friends, I was not on the toilet long, that was COLD!

So there I was, in a bathroom, in south east Asia with a wet ass looking for something to dry it off.

Nothing, of course. How the hell do so many people in The Philippines get by with no toilet paper? At the least, you gotta dry!

Toto, we’re not in Japan anymore. You’re selling ass-squirters to Americans. Sometimes , as I said, I can only chuckle. Businesses do very mindless things, this is one of them.

Comments

One Response to “Wash your ass, or was that watch?”

  1. Cindy
    September 30th, 2011 @ 5:43 pm

    I actually have one at home, although it’s not a hose or anything. It’s installed like a part of the toilet seat, but mine’s the basic one. I got it here : http://products.mercola.com/toilet-bidet/ I see some other bidets that could keep the toilet seat warm, control the temperature of the water, deodorizer, or even make this “fake flushing” or “waterfall” sound, which i guess is used for masking the other sound that you’re creating :P

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