Enlightened by the Devil
Imagine this scene:
I am standing in the middle of the pub. The pub is full with people dancing around. The bouncers are all standing at some distance from me. I am loudly making fun of them, calling them trained chimpanzees, retards, uneducated, low class, fucking morons, who are no better than monkeys in clothes. They are fuming, seething in quite fury. They want to literally kill me, or at least throw me out, but they can’t. I think I have made history in the history of Pubbing itself.
This wasn’t even the first time I had a face off with bouncers. A year back I got into into a real fist fight with a bouncer at another pub. In the course of an argument, I called the bouncer an idiot. And the bugger actually punched me in my face. We got into a real fist fight, and I got the insides of the lips all torn. I have never seen the insides of gym in my entire life, and I spent the last 10 years of my life doing nothing other than staring at my pc, not even moving my arms, and yet, I have an innate, ingrained violence that suffuses me. Despite the guy being a bouncer whose primary job is to keep fit, and despite getting punched directly in the face more than 4 times, I didn’t even flinch, and we had a real brawl in front of the pub. In the adrenaline driven high, you do not feel anything. In fact, my conscious brain is going: “Fuck! This is going to hurt bad tomorrow”, and yet, at that particular moment, you feel nothing other than the momentum of the impact. The fight got broken after the management interfered and the bouncer got fired.
Anyway, let me get back to the current fracas. The origins of the current fight can be traced to a minor incident a year back, when I had gone to the pub in sandals, and I was turned off at the entrance by one bouncer citing the club’s dress code, which, like they have in kindergarten, included shoes. I got pissed off, and told him that he is a retarded monkey. We glared at each other for a couple of minutes, and then I just left. Fast forward to this year, and I was there with my date. She was dancing near the speakers, and I was standing at a distance bored.. Then this bouncer I had glared at last year and who seem to have remembered me from our last encounter came to me and told me that I was only supposed to stand near my date and not stand alone like that. I told him it is none of his fucking business, and I am clearly not answerable to a fucking chimpanzee in pants, and that he can fucking get lost.
It turns out he is a middle aged guy who is a close friend of the owner. He tried to push me out, and that was when I went berserk. I was literally shaking in apoplectic fury. I never realized that your body will literally shake when you get angry. I told him that he touches me, and I will fucking kill him. We pushed and pulled at each other, with me calling him a retarded low class moron, and he asking me to get out, but of course, he didn’t have the guts to start a real fight. Then the manager and other bouncers came, and there was lot of shouting, and them trying to grab me. But hey, as I had said earlier, even though I spent the last 10 years of my life doing nothing other than stare at my PC monitor, I have an ingrained violence that pours through my entire persona. Not one of them had the guts to grab me, or start a real fight, though one of the guys did manage to land a sucker punch on my stomach. I shouted that I am not going to listen to men who are no better than trained chimpanzees. It continued like this for around 15 minutes, with me calling them the entire gamut of synonyms for retarded moneys, and them asking me to get out. Then my date with me came to my side, and funnily enough, she turned out to be regular at the pub, and well known to the management, and it all got extremely awkward. The manager apologized, but my rule always has been: you start a fight, I will decide when it ends. The bouncer made overtures of peace to me, but I told him to fuck off, and then I just stood there for 20 minutes till the pub closed (yeah, in Bangalore there is a law against pubs staying open after 11:30), laughing and insulting them.
The end result: I spent 20 minutes standing right under the noses of these morons, insulting them, their faces clouded in extreme hatred and anger. I guess, there is something really exhilarating about standing in close proximity to people who would give anything to kill you at that moment.
My date was completely flummoxed, not the least because she knew the pub management well. What she couldn’t quite understand was why I spurned the friendly overtures of the management, even after they tried to make peace and tried to shake my hands. I told her that the last thing I cared for the friendship of some rural losers whom I am likely to never meet again. I imbibe and thrive on negativity. The hatred of those morons feels better than the polite fawning which makes me uncomfortable anyway.
That’s when she told me that she figured everything out: The enlightenment I had undergone at the end of my 7 year abstention was orchestrated by the devil and not God, and now she was really scared of me.
“You? Scared?”, I asked, surprised, “That’s a great achievement for me”.
This was the same rich, pampered, daddy’s girl who loudly and publicly called me a ‘fucking bastard’ on our first date. It was at a late night party, and she was pestering me to leave, even though it was only 2:30 AM, so I told her to wait. She just went to middle of the party, pointed at me, and loudly announced to everyone: “People, this guy is a fucking bastard”. (Yes, she of course, did explicitly use the ‘f’ word. Dating me automatically makes a girl inured to the stigma normally associated with using ‘fucking’ as the universal adverb). I just clapped and cheered her.
Her attitude toward me obviously changed after this. The next day, we had a typical argument and I told her that I had bigger things in life to do than give manner lessons uncivilized females, and that she should never call me again. She replied “I will try to call you less”. Hehe. I am sure prior to that incident, her response would have been to ask me to go to hell.
No, it is not that she is head over heels in love with me. She is a pampered female who genuinely dislikes my abrasive personality. Typically the guys she hang around with are all completely awed and cowed by her strong independent personality, and I was the first male to treat her normally, and at least initially she resented it. But now, she realized I was a generic psychopath with little self-control, and learned not to take anything I say personally.
As for being enlightened by the devil, I think she might be on to something there.
June 14th, 2008 at 3:39 am
I believe u r craving for the X factor Glam factor, and wanna get noticed because u think u r different/non-believer/communist/rich , but dude your front of showing yourself excessive personality wont do much IMO, what s good it u grab attention of some really dumb girls? You are satisfied in it?
You are writing very small things about yourself here, shows you are so deep into them and excited, this all shows 2 facets, what u say is 90/100 and what u behave is 9/100, perhaps you will soon start watching movies and start enjoying everything what u feel dumb creatures do.
Last, God is fucking idiot? If somebody is idiot, then seems its an entity.
Now why only god? A lot of people in world are also fucking idiot, why dont u get them plattered on your body? Seems god is something who needs attention, thats why u chose you print only God as fucking idiot…
Now if you are really (1) Intelligent (2)Different from millions of people who are athiests (3) Only trust anything after once u explored or experienced totally. What made u curse god as an idiot, what he personally ditched u ? or what else? Seems u r only jealous, is it right?
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:44 pm
>>> I believe u r craving for the X factor Glam factor, and wanna get noticed because u think u r different/non-believer/communist/rich
For around 20 years my life, i struggled to hide my differences. I always thought i was quite normal, just suffering from a proclivity to analyze everything a bit too much. But it turned out i am not merely different,. but i am not even from this fucking planet. And why should i hide it?
I am not ‘craving’ — i am not even ‘trying’ — to be different.
I am not entirely human, and i am merely chronicling my non-human-ness.
And yes, i am angry, and you might even say, jealous. It is 4000 years since the dawn of written history. The billions of humans that has existed has spent almost their entire lives bickering on the nature of spirituality. Thousands of men have suffered like I did. And to be frank, my self-abnegation pales when compared to the kind of self-inflicted torture practiced by Catholic Church.
My spirituality, even at its extremist absurdity, was pragmatic. A majority of the stuff I did, i did in the — mistaken — belief that it was going to make me a better person overall, and especially — with the vegan diet — healthier too. But in the case of Christian principle of “Mortification of flesh’, the object is genuine torture — also called the death of the flesh — and nothing else. One of the most important aspect of pain is that, the body automatically gets numb to it. The Saints had to work around this pesky property of the human body by making sure that they constantly varied the torture methods.
Despite 2000 of insanity by intelligent men, no one discovered the 4 principles:
a) It is logically impossible to construct a universal justice system.
b) It is impossible for a person to Sin. The concept of Sin cannot exist. Once my pleasure/pain circuits are formed, all my actions are irrelevant as far reward/punishment is concerned. The only decision i can make is to adjust the amount of pain/pleasure i derive from life. The outcome, or the consequences of my actions are 100% irrelevant.
c) The above two actually means that God is irreconcilable with life. It is impossible to live if you believe in God.
d) There is something seriously wrong with people who believe in God.
Kant came very close to it. If someone had figured the above out, it would have saved me 23 of years of self-imposed misery i underwent, before i got fucking enlightened.
Footnote: God means ‘belief in god’. God will exist as long as people believe in him. That’s why i clarify that when i say, i am going to kill god, what i mean is that i am going to make it impossible for people to believe in God.
July 4th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
1. Ok, you are angry because in last 40 centuries people wated their time, and you yourself did it for 2 decades, Yes they were dumb creatures, they were following every imaginary with closed eyes. Agree. Probably This can make u angry but not jealous because u have endless love for all generations who wasted their time in vein , is it true?
2. Creature from other planet? No way, You are a human from here
u cant deny. But since you concluded this way in 2 decades, its a lot of time actually to sum up a simple thing. Considering you arent trying or craving to be different, but u have settled the mindset that u r different, a LOT, being from other planet is sure very different thing.
3. Now your spirituality chapter, In start spirituality dont have to do anything with being vegan or not (islam dont prohibit meat but their spirituality is second to none.) how did u summed up that being vegan is spirituality?
Spitituality is a systematic process and no matter u like or hate god it will work equally, its like a machinical process, pour in fuel and the engine goes. probably it was imitation of spirituality.
4. the 4 principles:
(a) Ofcourse it is, but who needs anything universal, world is all about variety, we need day with lights and in evening we need night without light to go rest, we need good people as well as bad people for change. We need a balance in good and bad otherwise world will be nonexistant.
(b) sorry dont understand the concept, sadly never studied much about religions and theories.
(c) Yes it becomes impossible for you and the persons in your whereabouts to live when u become extremist in either way. A wise balance is necessary, sure.
(d) A believer will say opposite way, But perhaps both are wrong, i can sum up here that nothing is wrong with believing or non believing, its all about variety, But both should be wise enough to digest their thoughts and not come out extremist.
5. Enlignment, yes its more important, but if the enlignment have real light it will lit gazillions other people, and if the enlightment is not a big one, it wont shine at all, just work for enlighted one. If you are really different, .. need not stamp people with your punch effect, I dont say good or bad, it happens with everybody, but its a tomdickandharry job, not guy from other planet.
6. Last for God, It seems god will last more then I or we or anybody we know will last on this planet. I dont say you are any wrong, myself personally find nice you are, But You say U r going to kill god, do you really have that force? or you will end up levishing all your energy for nothing? Yes you can kill him.. IT IS POSSIBLE, but do you have money and time and workforce to go for it? If not then this is VEIN and your statement is IMMATURE(if not). ;=) Probably you will end up saying that you spent 2 more decades in vein, yes life is short, very short.
July 5th, 2008 at 1:15 am
I am not sure we are talking about the same thing. Islam and spirituality? All religions are based on legitimizing rape and pillage. The primary principle behind all religions–be it, Islam, Christianity or Hinduism–is rape and plunder. The purpose of religion is to create and sustain supernatural entities who will aid you in rape/plundering innocent people. Religions have absolutely nothing to do with spirituality. My theory is bigger than me.
It is about completely redefining the way we look at morality, ethics, sin, compassion, love and whatever other things philosophers have been wasting their life on.
Of course, a believer will definitely say otherwise. But only one of us can be right.
July 5th, 2008 at 4:50 am
Well.. All religions are based on Rape and pillage.
Somebody told u and u accepted,
.. only Since it was a new and exciting news for you, you jumped listening this theory? . Have you seen yourself? If you dont believe that they are on any grounds, because you havent experienced, Then you also shouldnt believe this concept blindlessly.
Ahh Seems my lines in prebvious were very basic that u gave up on me, neither answered any. Sorry for your time.
August 4th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Seeing your megalomaniacal musings I guess you have never had a date in your life(minus hookers probably), let alone been kissed by a girl.
August 23rd, 2008 at 4:15 am
>>> Seeing your megalomaniacal musings I guess you have never had a date in your life(minus hookers probably), let alone been kissed by a girl.
Heh. The above is one of the quite innocuous episodes in my life. If you are getting all worked up about a simple pub date, i can only imagine how drab your life must be.
And when did megalomania become an unattractive trait — Whether in male or even in females? I find megalomaniacal girls quite attractive.
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:28 pm
>>> Somebody told u and u accepted,
“SOMEBODY told me?” I wish. Virulent anti-theism is a very recent phenomena, especially the embracing of anti-theism by mainstream intellectuals, and for that i have to greatly thank Osama and all the retarded Fanatics, who have brought about a clearer understanding of what Koran/Bible actually advocate.
Till very recently, most of the intellectual community looked askance upon active anti-theism. In fact, even now we hear the stupid refrain of ‘islam is peace’ (Followed by the ironical “Behead those who say otherwise”), or generally, “all religions ultimately advocate basic goodness”, and other brain-damaged bromides that everyone has been spewing for the past 1000 years.
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:50 pm
wrote
>>> Ahh Seems my lines in prebvious were very basic that u gave up on me, neither answered any. Sorry for your time.
I have actually explained this in another of my posts: I am extremely wary of discussing religion with anyone. It will inexorably end up becoming terminally boring. I take a lot of effort not to discuss religion, unless you are one of those crazy people like me who have spent considerable amount of time poring through all the religious crap. From your posts, i am assuming that you are pretty far from being one.
I can fill pages upon pages regarding religion, and believe me, you definitely don’t want to hear all of that stuff. It is best that we discuss something else, like art, drama, or music or something. For instance, did you listen to the last album by Therion? I have found Symphonic Metal to be one of those rare good things i stumbled upon.
November 12th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
“Heh. The above is one of the quite innocuous episodes in my life. If you are getting all worked up about a simple pub date, i can only imagine how drab your life must be.”
my life is alright, find no need to brag..Feel a bit sorry for you
November 19th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
>> my life is alright, find no need to brag..Feel a bit sorry for you
I am merely following what one of my dates instructed me to do: Write about sex, love or shopping. The girls i date used to categorically refuse to my visit my website, because it used to be full of incomprehensible gibberish about evolution of religion, art etc etc.. Now it is comprehensible gibberish, which is a big difference.